no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
