so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize
