Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
