i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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