He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
