his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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