Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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