We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
