OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
