does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
