Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
