Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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