Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
