I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
