The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
