Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
