Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
