You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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