At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
