what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
