somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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