i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
