I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
How does one acquire holy water?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
