And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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