Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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