I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
