he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
