Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
