false alarm. still invincible.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
