i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
