my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
