When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
