I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
