I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I will pee on everything he values.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
