I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
