member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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