i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
