I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Randomize
