the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
