glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
