My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
