How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
