I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
