I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
