every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize