Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
