i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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