Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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