it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Randomize
