put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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