I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
