well I can't set my house on fire every night
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
only you would photoshop your dick
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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