well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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