dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
