why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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