I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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